The Single Story: It's Not All Rainbows and Butterflies

When we are young, we are taught how we should act and behave based on our gender. Girls like pink. They play with Barbies and wear make up. Girls participate in dance and cheerleading. They like shopping and fashion. Boys like dirt. They aren’t supposed to cry or express emotion. They play football, soccer, basketball and video games.

Somewhere in the mix of things, we become so caught up in these gender roles. If a girl likes the color blue, doesn’t mind getting some dirt under her fingernails, and plays video games, that’s okay. But if a guy wants to be a dancer, dresses well, and likes the color pink, he must be gay.

For my “Single Story,” I chose to focus on the stereotype of gay men. I asked some friends and family members what they think characterizes gay men, not only in their experiences, but in the media as well. Some descriptive phrases they used were-

Feminine, obsessed with fashion, go tanning a lot, dye their hair extreme colors, enjoy dancing, cheerleading, and interior design, promiscuous, love pink, high-pitched voice, talented in the arts, sensitive, outspoken, dramatic, emotional, well-groomed, tight pants, shave their legs, flamboyant, likes attention… and the list continues. I think the problem with this stereotype is the problem with any stereotype- it defines a person before allowing the chance to get to know them personally.

Although it isn’t a direct personal experience, I have witnessed the single story of the perceptions of gay men. In high school, I dated a guy who attracted a lot of attention from homosexual classmates. What I found interesting is that he always made it a point to avoid interacting with them because he was afraid they would try to pursue him. He didn’t want to encourage an awkward situation if they attempted to kiss him or ask him out. In reality, I felt that the chance of this happening was equivalent to a girl to try to pursue him in this way à highly unlikely. I think that this is not an unusual scenario when it comes to straight men’s perceptions of their homosexual peers. They conclude that because someone is gay, they will attempt to try to “seduce” them.

A lot of what we perceive is based on what is portrayed in the media.

When I think of the stereotypical gay man in entertainment, I think of Cam and Mitchell, the gay couple in ABC’s hit television series “Modern Family.”

In the show, Cam (played by Eric Stonestreet- right), is self-conscious about his weight. He wears a lot of paisley and has been portrayed to take hours deciding what to wear. He is passionate about floral design, Meryl Streep, and Broadway, and his voice and physical gestures are very “feminine.”

In her speech, “The Danger of a Single Story,” Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie says,

“The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story.”

Do I personally know gay men who are talented in the arts, dramatic, outspoken, well-groomed, and who love pink? Yes, I do. Sure, they might fit the “stereotypical gay man” persona, but I think what Adichie is trying to say is that they are so much more than that.

What I like about Modern Family is that although the character Cam has a lot of stereotypical “gay man” qualities, he also loves football. It goes to show that just because a guy likes football, doesn’t mean he is straight. Likewise, just because a guy doesn’t like football, doesn’t mean he is gay.