Mr. Mom

When you hear "single parent raising two children at home", you are picturing a mother. 

A woman -- stressed with money, safety, babies, groceries, laundry, sleep -- just trying to make it on her own. You probably picture her sleeping alone in the night and hiding dark circles with makeup in the morning. 

But what if I told you it was a dad? 

In a Deseret News Article by Lois Collins, a statistic is given stating that 1 in 12 households are headed by single fathers. She adds, "Single parenthood is still dominated by moms, but the share who are dads has grown, and about one-fourth of single parents are now dads," said Gretchen Livingston, Pew senior researcher and author of the study released this week. "When people talk about single parents, the fact is it's usually code for single mothers. It's important to recognize that there's a pretty significant minority of those parents who are dads." (http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865582639/1-in-12-households-headed-by-single-dad-Pew-study-finds.html?pg=all)

I don't know much about single dads. I don't even know how this came up or why I'm going with it, but I think that says a lot about us as people; if I don't know a lot about them, maybe other people are oblivious to it too. Maybe that's why it needs to be spoken for and spoken about. 

A lot of people view single fathers as incompetent, clumsy, lazy, or just pain clueless. Why does society think like that? Perhaps we've been raised to know our mothers and to know the kind, virtuous ways of a maternal figure. Maybe you know single fathers or have been raised by only your father- only then can you truly appreciate the struggle. But wait, isn't the work amount the same regardless of whether you're a single father or a single mother? 

Why do dads get so much more praise for changing a diaper than do mothers? Single moms have to work, too, so why is it such a big deal when a dad can cook dinner, clean the house, and get the kids to bed on time? Do we have so little faith in the males? Or does society tell us that mothers are "just better" at doing those kinds of things. These are the questions that come to mind when talking about this minority group. 

However, faith is often restored in these single dads when we see them in TV shows and movies (I Am Sam, Mrs. Doubtfire, Hannah Montana, The Pursuit of Happyness, Full House, Finding Nemo, Jersey Girl, Sleepless in Seattle, 3 Men and A Baby) 

What does that mean? Maybe society does recognize the single father situation. These shows and movies don't all end with happy moments on top of the Empire State building finding a wife and mother for their children. Because it is so prevalent in the media, this is a minority group that holds some weight and has some importance, not only in the 1990s (Sleepless in Seattle: 1993), but even today (Finding Nemo: 2003).

 Despite the title being not-so-BYU, there isn't bad language 
in this video about the "things" single dads say:

This next one is a popular song called "Mr. Mom" that highlights some of the jobs and the typical life of a stay-at-home dad balancing work and chores and children. 

I see two sides or differing opinions on this minority group: Either these fathers are praiseworthy for being able to balance a job, learn motherly skills, and keep their heads above water, or single dads are clueless, ignorant, and are just "doing the best they can", bless their hearts. Maybe we don't see this group so often around BYU, but it is something to think about as we think of our LDS idea of a 'family'. These fathers count, too. The story being told is that single fathers are still prevalent in society, and based on the article at the beginning of this post, they are growing steadily. Problem or not, this minority group deserves some credit and some attention for being able to support a family in all sense of the phrase. The church sometimes teaches that "the most important thing a father can do for his family is to love their mother", but I would suggest that the most important thing a single father can do for his family is to love, teach, praise, help, discipline, support, and commit to his family, regardless of the circumstance.

 As I conclude, my mind remembers 3rd grade mornings before school. My mom was away on a weekend trip with her sisters and my dad was left to do my hair. It probably was the same amount of pain felt when my mother did hair, but because it was my father doing it, I was quick to vocalize my irritation. Maybe it was because my mind was so used to a mother holding the brush, so I verbally lashed out against my father trying to take over. He struggled as he tried to understand how I "normally" did my hair. I remember saying "I wish Mom was here, can you just call her?" After doing this minority media project, I realize that single dads don't have that comfort of that call. They wake up each morning playing both roles and lie in bed at night alone.