Provo All-Stars

Provo All-Stars is the local term for the generic tools, DB's, and bros. To an All-Star appearance is everything. They seek to communicate their sex appeal, economic status, and values through their clothing and possessions.

They can be found in various locations around Provo, but a great majority of them reside in The Village at South Campus, Belmont, and King Henrie. There they can be seen tanning by the pool, or coaxing girls into the hot tub.

Big trucks and muscle cars are a hallmark of the Provo All-Star. Most of them don't own their vehicles, and rely on the generosity of their parents for most of their possessions. Those without wealthy parents can still maintain a high standard of living by selling alarm systems or pest control during the summer.

Above all else, a Provo All-Stars body is his temple. They spend the winter months sculpting their arm and chest muscles and supplementing their workouts with protein shakes or creatine powder.

In the summer months they clothe themselves in high end tank-tops and Oakley sunglasses and go about seeking validation for their hard earned bodies by "hooking-up" with young and ignorant women.

Personally, I believe in the single story of the Provo All-Star, but like most prejudices, I'm sure it is out of my own ignorance. Some of my friends are bros, and I tell them, and they know it; but I have also had really good times with them, and they are much more dynamic people than their appearance suggests.

In defense of the Provo All-Stars I will say this: at least they are motivated! Do you try half as hard to be somebody? Sure their pursuits are selfish but at least they are making something out of themselves, and that work ethic will probably land them in a good job someday.

Your boss could be a bro. Think about that.

Kimball Barker